Not this time

1 statement : Shouldn't give up so early

Bored..
Don't like my job..
Wanna be free from daily routines..
Go to hv a crazy adventure, should I go??
I still have values but.. I don't know how long it'll last
Distance could turn us into a diary
diary..journal..notes, filled with our daily activities
Yeah, little black hole say 'hello' to me again
but I can't failed today.. tomorrow.. not this time
Shouldn't give up
I'll find a way to kick the black hole out of my heart & mind

Just a thought

Tonight, I hang around with my friends to a rooftop cafe
Have some drinks, light conversation, feels the night
and I realize that, in this capital city
Most of people just need a space to chill out after going through a hard working day
Some smoking area & glasses of beer are their therapist
Night becomes friend, because night free them all!
Those people can do whatever they want, without being tied by any routines, authorization, limitation, obligation..
It just, I feel that nowadays people keep forgetting the real value of lives
They satisfied, simply just by drink/smoke/dance/stay awaaay at night.. hang around
I also did the same thing actually..
but I know that it's not right

Escapist

Life as an escapist..
Alcoholic Drink at night to ease the pain, sadness, loneliness
but most of all
THE REALITY
but when the hang over passed out
Night, turns to a Daylight
I choose any job, work.. work.. work
Drowning myself into a daily routine
to forget the time..
I'll put all of my focus on that job
My eyes, hand, mind for work
I don't need to think about anything else..

When I have no job?
Just played any music loudly
and did anything from my laptop to keep me busy

Less Interested

Once, I have a dream to go around the world
Seeing many places, things, events
I'm very excited everytime I have to go to a new place
I thought I love travelling..
Today, that dream isn't that attractive anymore
I want to see more, beyond those places
I want to see this..

- The 'sparkle' from my beloved eyes
- Funny & silly movements from my dear friends when they try to explain something I don't understand
- A generous smile from the people who's believe in me
- etc.

I just want to stay and have some peace
I'm tired of moving.. tired of changing
Sounds like I'm growing older?
Yeah, how old is my soul actually..
How old is my soul..

Wait, Take any Chances, Breakthrough?

If in the end I get what I want from that company,
Should I take it or not?
Actually that's not my dream job.. A local company
That will give me additional skill, information, & connection
But, taking the chance is like taking the 'old company' more or less
The condition & the work load won't be far away from the previous job I did..

Or should I keep looking for my dream job, dream company
But for how many months, should I wait?
I wanna work in a better place, clear organization, clear tasks, good facility, high income LOL
and sometimes,
I feel that actually my heart wants to choose another option..
I want to stand on my own business
I want to make my own brand
But I lack of courage, right now
I feel that I'm not ready yet.. still need to learn

This is confusing
Wait for your dream comes true, Take the chance for living, or Make a breakthrough
God, Help me to choose the way

Who Am I

Forgive me Lord for against You so many times

Today I hear it, my heart speak "Don't lost in the dark"

Should've trust that U still leads me the way..

But I have a little patient and give up my times to anger

I'm falling and stop walking..

Please, look after me and couraged me to keep running

to Your light..

May God be with me, with you and my beloved always

Amen..

This is what describe me most right now

I have a hard time, U also have to struggle for couple things

Sometimes we feel that we're so alone

While in fact, we trully care for each other

ALWAYS..

at least 'till today we can always make things right in the end

we're getting better after we speak out our feelings honestly

what trully happens to us..

I relieved to have someone like u..

The pain is still here, but it shrinked a bit (",)

Calling All Angels

I need a sign, to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know, that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you can feel the world shake from the words that are said

And I'm, calling all Angels
And I'm, calling all you Angels

And I won't give up, if you don't give up
I won't give up, if you don't give up
I won't give up, if you don't give up
I won't give up, if you don't give up

I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

And I'm, calling all Angels
And I'm, calling all you Angels
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/t/train-lyrics/calling-all-angels-lyrics.html ]

When children have to play inside, so they don't disappear
While private eyes solve marriage lies 'cause we don't talk for years
And football teams are kissing queens and losing sight of having dreams
In a world where what we want is only what we want until it's ours

And I'm, calling all Angels
And I'm, calling all you Angels

And I'm, calling all Angels
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)
And I'm, calling all you Angels
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)

Calling all you Angels
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)
Calling all you Angels
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)
Calling all you Angels
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)

J.S.M

Just Shoot Me, oh Lord
Don't U see that I'm dying here??
I need a way out.. but all I see is a dead-end
I have plenty of time to be wasted..
Jeezz, that promise is hard actually
I wanna be destructive to release all of this sorrow
I need to drink, I wanna have some mushroom & go to a club as well
I want to speed up my car at nite.. I wanna go to the beach and ride the wildest wave there
Want to hit the wall..
I want to dissapear! but I can't
cause I have a promise to always tell dark what I'm going to do
Yes, I'm such a loser
I'm so weak.. and don't want to pretend that I'm super strong
I failed my self by not doing anything usefull right now
Laughed me, world.. for the "black hole" have consumed my day
I don't care.. I just don't care

Something about love

I read this note from my friend, Noot Sai Ngam..
and I thought this is good..

JUST SOMETHING ABOUT SOMETHING CALLED LOVE

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.

You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself.

Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again.

Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face.

In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you.

You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.

Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

- Bob Marley -

This is what my dongsaeng do to me

She's a cheerful person
She has a bright smile
She has a good sense of  humor
She's loud, my days never be so quiet when she was around
She make me smile..
Thank u very much
(",)

I love who I am today

 

Source 

 Once again, I've listened to my negative thoughts

and finally drowned into my black hole

Feel that I'm not real for my beloved

Not sure that I'll be strong enough to keep my promise

I noticed that in the end, the same things will happen again

Everybody's leaving, Great value dissapear, Memories fade away

I'm sick of this cycle..and for a while I'm a coward.

But,

As many time as I fall, I get up! 

I pray..

Asked some help to stop me from hearing my own demons

and suddenly, I find that I love who I am today

I'm a sunbae (",)

I have an important role, and I can't run away from it

I need to protect my dongsaeng, I have to make sure that she's fine

I felt necessary, and that's the best human feeling can have (Paulo Coelho)

Source 

I regain my courage.. I think that's enough to keep on moving

to keep on believing

Yokatta! way to go to be like daruma doll

"I LOVE WHO I AM TODAY"