...

FUCK!!!!

What do I need more?

Betrayal. Rejection. Bankcruptcy. Homeless. Jobless

LEADS TO

Doubtfulness. Confusion. Faith Crisis. Insecurity. Emptiness. Loneliness. Anger. Hatred. Distrust
....and many more....

THEN, BRING ME

Falling down.. deeper..deeper.. every day

BUT I ALWAYS SURROUNDED BY

- Verses.. somehow, through stuffs / people / books
- My mother's love & unlimited patience toward me
- Encouragement & supports from friends
- Heat of the sun
- Prayers from my dongsaeng

AREN'T THOSE ENOUGH?

Love weighs me down

Psalm 88 : 18 "You have taken my companions & loved ones from me.. the darkness is my closest friend"

This verse becomes real when :

- U put ur head deep down in the blanket at night, shaking because of the insecurity u feel inside
- There's a heavy elephant in your chest, when suddenly ur mind bring back any sweet memories of ur
   loved ones
- U can't count on anybody while u're drowning in the depths of painful tragedy
- U feel so vulnerable because of every unwanted tantrum that u put to ur beloved..
   That only make u see how terrible u are
- U see how broken u are.. when there's nobody to catch u
- U messed everythings up & u feel like so disgrace
- Nothing feels so right
- U're in ruin.. chaos
- No more prides left, nothing that u did make u proud of urself..

   I'm as bad as the guy in Katy Perry's song - Weigh me down..
   Have no idea, why I let myself lost this far..DAMN!!!

Weigh Me Down
 

We're looking in the same direction
But you don't see what I see
Just a half moon in your perception
It looks full to me
Oh my head is caught, caught in clouds
But your buried so, so far down

Reff :You drag me down to earth
You stomp my heart it hurts
You weigh me down
The way your pulling me
You're worse than gravity
You weigh me down
You weigh me down

Your words can pollute the future
So you should choose carefully
Cynical is a natural born killer
If it were up to me I would say
Lets get you all medicated
So we can get dedicated

(Reff)

This is not a race
This is the relationship
But you take the cake at being the worst in it
Try and keep me grounded
You took my faith and nearly drowned it

This is not a test
This is the relationship
You are the best in being Mr. Negative

You weigh me down

(REFF)

I'm marching on.. with you

For those days we felt like a mistake,  

Those times when love's what you hate, 

Somehow, We keep marching on.
For those nights when I couldn't be there,  

I've made it harder to know that you know, 

That somehow, We'll keep moving on.
 

(Reff) : There's so many wars we fought, 

There's so many things we're not, 

But with what we have, I promise you that,  

 We're marching on, (We're marching on) (We're marching on).
For all of the plans we've made, 

There isn't a flag I'd wave,  

Don't care if we bend, I'd sink us to swim,  

We're marching on, (We're marching on) (We're marching on).

 
For those doubts that swirl all around us,  

For those lives that tear at the seams,  

We know, We're not what we've seen,
For this dance we'll move with each other. 

 There ain't no other step than one foot,  

Right in front of the other.

 
(Reff)

Right, right, right, right left right, 

Right, right, right, right left right, Right, right,  

We're marching on.
We'll have the days we break,  

And we'll have the scars to prove it, 

we'll have the bonds that we save, 

 But we'll have the heart not to lose it.

 
For all of the times we've stopped, 

For all of the things I'm not.
We put one foot in front of the other, 

We move like we ain't got no other,  

We go when we go, 

We're marching on.

 
There's so many wars we fought,  

There's so many things we're not, 

But with what we have, I promise you that,  

We're marching on, (We're marching on) (We're marching on).
Right, right, right, right left right,  

Right, right, right, left, right, Right, right,  

We're marching on.
Right, right, right, right left right, 

Right, right, right, left, right, Right, right,  

We're marching on.

Winter

It's winter, now..
In my heart
I'm sitting on a bench..
Waiting..

Choices

To let others comfort u, OR find ur own peace.. nurture ur heart
To see that u can't depend on everyone, OR to let ur self grow even stronger than before
To blame others for their limitation to drag u out of the dark, OR to be grateful that they're still willing to get close to u in the dark
To busy arguing with others, OR to calm down yourself first then build a real deep talk
To let distance be the limit to your love, OR to let love diminish the distance

Those are the matter of choice
TO BUSY LIVE, or TO BUSY DIED - Reginna Brett-

To consider my post "Selfish & childish talk" as a random words from the upset heart OR a suggestion
It's up to you
 

Selfish & Childish talk

There's a time when I feel so "All by myself"
Can't count on anybody, even the one that I trusted the most
Said that they will be there
but, they not "totally there"
many people can't trully understand how to accompanied others
For me, when u accompanied someone
u should be able to present ur self
ur time, mind, stories.. the whole you, just for that person AT THAT TIME

Give them a comfortable feeling, inspired them
not busy with your own world, own stuffs.. then just said some idea based on your experiences
Your life, is not theirs
One thing that has worked in your life, might not work on others AT THAT TIME

To be frank, distance deactivated one's main function
the main function is very simple : to be there, next to your mate
to say that u still love them or u will always be there is easy
but when it comes to PROVE that u really mean it.. it's hard
even when u mean it, sometimes.. ur words can't be warm enough
for the people out there
I know, it sucks

A phone call won't help much nor many text messages
If the one, that u call is still drowned into their own thought
U hv to attract that person to get out from their hole
at least, make them look up to you
Distract their mind

Don't wish, they will flooding u with many words
Some people can be so quiet
You, should inspired them to talk