Dear Dongsaeng,

Finally you know what to choose, right? =)

Hard choice.. I know

Now I'm suffering the untold goodbye

You don't know how hard I'm dealing with my cloudy shade 

The thought of living days without you, without joy in my complex life

The shadow of loneliness that will follows me through the night

but your sunbae is strong.. I'm gonna be just fine

All you have to do is just be sure, bold, and GO!

You will see the world and tell me what it looks like

I'm here will tell you about life, how it's going and how u should meaning it

I'm wondering what we might become in a distance..

Don't worry kid,

I  will faced this temporary goodbye with our God

We're gonna repeat the best year we ever had again, soon.. in the following years

 and here's a song for you

 

 I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend

at least we did intend for us to work 

we didn't break, 

we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

  

"I won't give up on our sunbae dongsaeng-ship,

Let's prove how strong we are"

Chocolate

Whenever I against my rough times in life,

My close friends always came and gave me chocolate..
I got Ritter Sport, Droste, Anthon Berg, Silver Queen, Lindt
Those was enough, to recharge me (",)

Yesterday, when I'm sick of my life
Stayed alone in my room for couple days,
Don't know what I should do,
Have no idea where to go,
and tired of expecting  new job offering..
I met my friend, Sam, and he gave me this..
KitKat Green Tea Chocolate from Japan!
I'm so happy..

Painful days, sad tears, harsh world
I can handle it all
with God's blessing,
Caring hearts from my friends,
and a bar of chocolate!
I'll survive..

KAITO

 

I fell in love with him at the very first sight..

this super cute & adorable dragon

 we met him the day before valentine's day 2012

he was standing there on the shelf in a game center..

and  I decided that we have to take him home THAT NIGHT

so, we fight to collect 230 tickets 'till he (finally) become one of us

and..

we named him KAITO,based on one of our favorite anime character

Kaito kid

Many people thought that he is a dinosaur, while me and my dongsaeng recognized him as a dragon..
sometimes we argued with our friends, whether he's a DRAGON or a dino..
Ever since he joined us, he has traveled to many places..
Coffee shops, restaurants, bakeries, office, and also flew with giant air balloon =)










Kaito is a HOPE, that we'll always get connected each other no matter how far we are..

Kaito is a MEMORY, that we already through many things together..happy moments, crazy moments, and also painful moments together..

Kaito REMINDS me to believe that when we're really put our best efforts together..miracle happens!
Actually until it's closing time, we haven't got 230 tickets..we have no more time.
But then, I saw unused tickets on the counter. So, we ask for the tickets from the guy on the counter. We didn't stop until we got Kaito..

Kaito is US, that's why I adore him much..
I want to keep him as long as i can, 'till the rest of my life

"Dragon lives forever, so does his value will live forever in my heart"

Patience

source

"Even the mighty lion has to wait for it's perfect time to get the prey"

I see patience through my glasses..

isn't about how long u have to wait for something u wish for

isn't because u don't have any choice

but..

Patience is about finding the reason why u have to wait

once it found, the long period of time u have to spent for..

 won't cost u anymore

source 

U won't die because of being patient, it might save ur life one day..

source

(",)

For u're my treassure

Source : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WA9Qw0mo50

I could stay awake, just to hear you breathin’
Watch you smile while you are sleepin’,
while your’re far away dreamin’.
Every moment spent with you, is a moment I treasure

[Chorus]
I don’t wanna close my eyes,
I don’t wanna fall asleep,
’cause I'd  miss you
and I don’t wanna miss a thing

[Verse 2]
Lying close to you, feelin’ your heart beatin’,
And then I kiss your eyes, and thank God we’re together
I just wanna stay with you, in this moment forever

[Bridge]
I don’t wanna miss one smile,
I don’t wanna miss one kiss,
I just wanna be with you,
right here with you, just like this.
I just wanna hold you close,
I feel your heart so close to mine,
And just stay here in this moment,
for all the rest of time.

source : http://lirik.wordpress.com/2006/12/22/dont-wanna-miss-a-thing/

I don't wanna miss a thing..

A thousand Years - Christina Perri

This video is taken from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtOvBOTyX00

"A Thousand Years"

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more 

this lyric was taken from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/christinaperri/athousandyears.html

This song has a deep meaning for me.. brings me to the 'old' memories..(not that old actually haha)

I remember the 'silly' things, I remember the laugh, it feels so nice to sing it with somebody that u care

I love this song, the melody is perfectly flowing gently right through my ears =)

Today, I played it over and over again..

My favorite place

These are my favorite place in the world :

1. Roof-TOP :

Yes, I love to be on the rooftop especially when the sun shines gently..

and showering me with it's warm ray

laying on the rooftop allowed me to see the sky clearly

no bounderies
sometimes I let my eyes dare the sun
I opened my eyes widely and saw it directly
haha
I love to be in a high ground.. rooftop is great

2. Lake

this picture was taken from http://komunitas.ui.ac.id/mod/tidypics/thumbnail.php?file_guid=4998&size=large

Whenever things aren't going well..and I don't wanna go home

I'm going to this lake

I didn't think about anything.. I just starred at the water, feel the wind blowed

and then I regained a little strength to finally going back home

3. Coffee Shop

This picture is taken from http://www.coffeeshop.us/coffee-shop-456.jpg

I love coffee.. I like it's scence, taste, feels good to have a good coffee in the morning / evening

anyway, my dongsaeng is good at making coffee..

She's my personal barista.. I miss her handmade kopi singa

Being in a coffee shop with a book in my hand while a soft music is played, will always be my paradise

but..

Being in a coffee shop with friends, played cards games was awesome too!

I used to go to a coffee shop in the early morning (around 01.00-02.30 am) with my dongsaeng

that was memorable..

I hope someday I can make my own coffee shop =)

I'm not this kind of girl .. actually..

I never finished any of my cigar before..
Usually, I left them (almost) a half piece unburned..
but today, I sucked it till it's very last piece
I'm not that kind of girl.. a smoker
I'm just being so sad, and I don't know how to tell it
so, I'm just going to my favorite place.. a small lake, and smoke
I don't like it..
but it helped me a bit, to release my frustated heart
I'll be fine..asap

what seems perfect is imperfect

Welcome to my 'perfect' life..

I'm free from any routine tight schedule like 80% people in this crowded city have

When people have to wake up early, maybe around 5am to get into office..I'm still holding my warm blanket tightly

When people are stucked in a stupid traffic damn just to get home, at the same time I might be home.. watching any hillarious movie, having dinner with my beloved friends, or just going somewhere with my awesome buddies to enjoy the night

I lived in a house with 2 of my close friends from college
I have no job this time, so actually I can use my time to do what i have to do..
no more calling from any annoying customers, no more scoldings from my boss, no more deadlines
I lived far away from parents, so I can have a nightlife.. I got drunk, I smoked, I can hang out with my friends till dawn..
I have a beloved dongsaeng..the one who cheer me up every day
the one who always take care of me every time I got drunk.. take me some clean clothes, give me tissues, hold me tight when I'm about to fall..
the one that so special to me.. my precious

and then, when everything seems so 'perfect' in my imperfect life..
again, I hear the clock is ticking
my dongsaeng has to go.. away from me, to a busy life outthere.. to find her treassure
I got this feeling long time ago before it happens..I had a dream, that she passed the test to be a flight attendant

Actually, I got a feeling yesterday..
I spent some time with her in my place, had lunch together, go to bucks..
but when it's time for her to go home.. I felt it was hard to let her go
after she has gone, 3 hours without her felt like a day..
I never had this kind of feeling before.. it's too much, I thought I over-reacted
but, today I know the answer..
I got a feeling!
that maybe I have to let her go very soon..

It hurts.. I'm sad, really really really sad
I don't want to eat
I don't want to play
I feel cold
I smoked, a lot
I cried, a lot
It doesn't feel right
and suddenly this thought crossed my mind..
'is this happen because i'm so damn good as her sunbae??'
I mean.. in the end, everybody's leaving
in the past my ex and my close friend told me that i'm too good for them
and they can't be that good for me.. finally, they 'left' me
I still connected with them untill now, but some part of them are lost from me

This time I do have some great time, being her sunbae..
we're a perfect match for each other
but maybe life seen that my 'perfect' life.. 'perfect' role is imperfect
so it should takes my dongsaeng.. far away from me
damn, it hurts.. hurted me so deep

But even in this 'cloudiest' time, I still waiting for our next intersection
I still hope that our value won't just vanish.. when we're apart
2 years, maybe more.. I wish we can work it out together
I will..I will..

shitty perfect life, let me down today..