...

FUCK!!!!

What do I need more?

Betrayal. Rejection. Bankcruptcy. Homeless. Jobless

LEADS TO

Doubtfulness. Confusion. Faith Crisis. Insecurity. Emptiness. Loneliness. Anger. Hatred. Distrust
....and many more....

THEN, BRING ME

Falling down.. deeper..deeper.. every day

BUT I ALWAYS SURROUNDED BY

- Verses.. somehow, through stuffs / people / books
- My mother's love & unlimited patience toward me
- Encouragement & supports from friends
- Heat of the sun
- Prayers from my dongsaeng

AREN'T THOSE ENOUGH?

Love weighs me down

Psalm 88 : 18 "You have taken my companions & loved ones from me.. the darkness is my closest friend"

This verse becomes real when :

- U put ur head deep down in the blanket at night, shaking because of the insecurity u feel inside
- There's a heavy elephant in your chest, when suddenly ur mind bring back any sweet memories of ur
   loved ones
- U can't count on anybody while u're drowning in the depths of painful tragedy
- U feel so vulnerable because of every unwanted tantrum that u put to ur beloved..
   That only make u see how terrible u are
- U see how broken u are.. when there's nobody to catch u
- U messed everythings up & u feel like so disgrace
- Nothing feels so right
- U're in ruin.. chaos
- No more prides left, nothing that u did make u proud of urself..

   I'm as bad as the guy in Katy Perry's song - Weigh me down..
   Have no idea, why I let myself lost this far..DAMN!!!

Weigh Me Down
 

We're looking in the same direction
But you don't see what I see
Just a half moon in your perception
It looks full to me
Oh my head is caught, caught in clouds
But your buried so, so far down

Reff :You drag me down to earth
You stomp my heart it hurts
You weigh me down
The way your pulling me
You're worse than gravity
You weigh me down
You weigh me down

Your words can pollute the future
So you should choose carefully
Cynical is a natural born killer
If it were up to me I would say
Lets get you all medicated
So we can get dedicated

(Reff)

This is not a race
This is the relationship
But you take the cake at being the worst in it
Try and keep me grounded
You took my faith and nearly drowned it

This is not a test
This is the relationship
You are the best in being Mr. Negative

You weigh me down

(REFF)

I'm marching on.. with you

For those days we felt like a mistake,  

Those times when love's what you hate, 

Somehow, We keep marching on.
For those nights when I couldn't be there,  

I've made it harder to know that you know, 

That somehow, We'll keep moving on.
 

(Reff) : There's so many wars we fought, 

There's so many things we're not, 

But with what we have, I promise you that,  

 We're marching on, (We're marching on) (We're marching on).
For all of the plans we've made, 

There isn't a flag I'd wave,  

Don't care if we bend, I'd sink us to swim,  

We're marching on, (We're marching on) (We're marching on).

 
For those doubts that swirl all around us,  

For those lives that tear at the seams,  

We know, We're not what we've seen,
For this dance we'll move with each other. 

 There ain't no other step than one foot,  

Right in front of the other.

 
(Reff)

Right, right, right, right left right, 

Right, right, right, right left right, Right, right,  

We're marching on.
We'll have the days we break,  

And we'll have the scars to prove it, 

we'll have the bonds that we save, 

 But we'll have the heart not to lose it.

 
For all of the times we've stopped, 

For all of the things I'm not.
We put one foot in front of the other, 

We move like we ain't got no other,  

We go when we go, 

We're marching on.

 
There's so many wars we fought,  

There's so many things we're not, 

But with what we have, I promise you that,  

We're marching on, (We're marching on) (We're marching on).
Right, right, right, right left right,  

Right, right, right, left, right, Right, right,  

We're marching on.
Right, right, right, right left right, 

Right, right, right, left, right, Right, right,  

We're marching on.

Winter

It's winter, now..
In my heart
I'm sitting on a bench..
Waiting..

Choices

To let others comfort u, OR find ur own peace.. nurture ur heart
To see that u can't depend on everyone, OR to let ur self grow even stronger than before
To blame others for their limitation to drag u out of the dark, OR to be grateful that they're still willing to get close to u in the dark
To busy arguing with others, OR to calm down yourself first then build a real deep talk
To let distance be the limit to your love, OR to let love diminish the distance

Those are the matter of choice
TO BUSY LIVE, or TO BUSY DIED - Reginna Brett-

To consider my post "Selfish & childish talk" as a random words from the upset heart OR a suggestion
It's up to you
 

Selfish & Childish talk

There's a time when I feel so "All by myself"
Can't count on anybody, even the one that I trusted the most
Said that they will be there
but, they not "totally there"
many people can't trully understand how to accompanied others
For me, when u accompanied someone
u should be able to present ur self
ur time, mind, stories.. the whole you, just for that person AT THAT TIME

Give them a comfortable feeling, inspired them
not busy with your own world, own stuffs.. then just said some idea based on your experiences
Your life, is not theirs
One thing that has worked in your life, might not work on others AT THAT TIME

To be frank, distance deactivated one's main function
the main function is very simple : to be there, next to your mate
to say that u still love them or u will always be there is easy
but when it comes to PROVE that u really mean it.. it's hard
even when u mean it, sometimes.. ur words can't be warm enough
for the people out there
I know, it sucks

A phone call won't help much nor many text messages
If the one, that u call is still drowned into their own thought
U hv to attract that person to get out from their hole
at least, make them look up to you
Distract their mind

Don't wish, they will flooding u with many words
Some people can be so quiet
You, should inspired them to talk

Repost

Life Lessons at 56

May 31st, 2012 by Regina Brett

After having cancer 14 years ago, every birthday is a gift. I get to grow old. What a joy. .

 To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written. It has traveled the world.

Someone wrote at the top of that email chain letter that I'm 90. My odometer actually rolls over to 56 today, so here's an update:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

 

51.To be a channel of peace, you have to stay open. To do that, relax your heart.

 

52. Consult your own soul. Deep inside you already know the answers you need.

 

53. Interruptions are divine assignments.

 

54. God doesn't always call the strong. Sometimes you have to be weak enough to serve.

 

55. Start where you are and get busy on the possible.

 

56. Love life unconditionally. Love it ALL.

How to save a life - The Fray

"How To Save A Life"

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God, he hears you
And pray to God, he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

How to save a life

Got to embrace this little happiness

I already reach the very end of my darkest cliff

I've been there for more than 3 days

So hollow and frustrating

So cold

 I won't ever go back again

My boring days are still here

The pain is still here too

but

There's no reason to cried anymore

No.. I gotta live

with or without anybody

I got to embrace this little happiness that I have

Won't let that stupid demon mind steal my hope away

 

Terribly damaged

I'm terribly damaged..

I can't understand why I have such a great power to let them destroy my self
but..
I'm so powerless to just trusting someone who always stand by me
just to hold a hand that always try to reach me

why I can't just remember the good memories
and forget the reality?
why I'm not even dare to take a love that sincerely given to me
why I can't stop my mind from those evil things
and just move on with my life

One thing failed.. okay
2.. yeah still okay
3.. damn it!! it hurts, but gotta be strong
4..
5..
 ............

I'm lost
lost to be a person I used to

Strength

strength

Those who are strong, able to protect their beloved

Those who are stronger, able to protect justice with their life

Those who ever be the strongest, able to protect life with their death

 Strength & courage

Responsible Youth

 Goddess of eternal youth

 Thinking of being young.. on my age
Being around 20+
is not always fun haha..
Young people interpreted as a free, wild, crazy, the most enthusiastic human being
that's true
but for me..
Youth is full of uncertainty, being so insecure, clueless about the future
Broken by love all over again
that's the common things that happen to us.. the young generation
We use emotions, more than considerations
We give "love", more than commitments
We try to achieve something, that in the end brings us nothing but regrets
We are the most energetic yet vulnerable creatures

This happens mostly because many adults failed to teach us
How to be a responsible youngster?
How to be strong enough?
Like a baby turtle, against the wildest wave to reach the sea
that's us

I hope I'll never forget this ups & downs of being young
So, someday if I ever have kids..
I can guide them how to maximize their youth
strong enough to against the wildest wave

Be young for me :
- One time..be spontaneous, don't plan ur trips..just go where u want to go
- Play hard, Run the night.. but make a valuable memories.
- Be wild & stupid.. but don't ever be a fool!!
- Be wise.. make urself a "home" for ur beloved
- Achieve something! for u & others..something good
- Reach ur craziest dream even the world against it
- Always love people, tough ur heart already broken all over again

Dandelion

 

dandelion 

You can read this : 

Dandelion's article 

I like to see dandelions since I was kid

Once, when I walk around in Lembang..Bandung

I found 1 little dandelion grow between the solid rock

I was amazed and I captured it 

Later, I realized that dandelions

has a super power inside it's tiny body

Yet, it also has a guts to fly away all over the world

no need to work overnight to get the airplane ticket

well, sometimes animal & plants are wiser than any human

I think dandelions are quite humble

it doesn't complain about the circumstances where they grow

They just need the sun.. touch of the nature

and it will spread all over the world

I compared my self to this little creature

I'm so hard to accept things in my life

my self, the 'world' outside, the other values outside mine

I'm a snob person

Dear God, I wanna be like dandelion

Humble but strong enough to accept all circumstances

and I wanna go fly away all over the world too

I wanna grow

and this, a message for my dongsaeng

I miss u much, but I miss your sunbae even more

everytime I turn into a person like this

cold, snob, stone head, blind, deaf

I hurt u more and more

I can't ask your apology, coz I keep repeating the same old mistakes

I can't give a promise, coz I haven't finish..struggling with myself

I just want to say.. that I miss u too

and I feel so sad, to let u bear this pain alone

I see that myself is so wrong..

Coming in & out as I "want" it..

don't care about your pain.. try not seeing the scars that I left on u

How can I come back? I don't know how to start

Get well soon, Kate

get well soon

Dear Kate,

It's not easy living abroad for u, yah?

I'd like to greet u.. ask ur condition or whatever

just try to hv a little chat with u

but i don't know how to greet u

weird right?

we've been go to the cinema, eat & shopping together

we've told our little love story before

but, I still feel that I'm just the "outsider"

because I read your blog.. I followed it

and u said that u're an introvert or u hate to socialize with people

I'm afraid that my sudden 'hello' will make u uncomfortable

just try to keep ur need to be 'alone'

and try to understand, that u're an 'observer from a far' (as u said on ur blog)

I did that.. People will said that I'm so weird, I know it's true

I can't be ur 'common close friend'.. haven't get a chance for it

Yesterday, when I get a chance to be ur room mate (I declined it, already)

Maybe someday, when we're living in the same time zone & place

we can get along together as a close friend (maybe)

Or maybe never..

But I hv a little heart for u, my friend.. through ur writings

Sometimes they inspired me..

You always know how to be grateful, tough u hv some hard times & relationships

You hv some values, fight for it.. and I agree with u

You're smart.. U see life from a different perception & brave enough to be different

Sometimes I want to be ur partner

So u'll get a little additional strength to hold on

Get well soon, kate..

don't lose to Spore climate =)

Well, I hope u'll able to read this message someday..somehow

Bird cage

bird cage

I wanna tell u about 2 little birds.

One (tweet) is living in a golden bird cage..

It's spacious & has some space for another birds

tweet is never alone

The other (tweep) is living in a small bird cage

The cage is just fit for 1 bird

It's very uncomfortable for both of them

Though tweet always get the best thing from it's master

Great foods, many friends, has many toys to played with

It never be enough 

So, in one night..tweet try to escape from the golden cage

tweet moved quietly, somehow tweet is able to unlock the cage

but..

tweet is not alone, the other birds are awake and make some noise

so, the master look after them..

and lock the cage

tweep..is very sick of it's cage

very small & tweep knows that it can fly awaay through the blue sky

tweep try to escape many times..but the cage is too small

a small movement, can produce some noise

how can they get out from the cage?

Maybe they should pretend that they're dying

so the master will come, bring them out of the cage..

so they will be free to go

 

A little peace

These are a few words from my favorite blogger, Katherina R

that describe myself, so well.. 

 

 "I think I miss my best friends

Be at peace, not in pieces"

When will I get my peace back?

Maybe after I'm practicing this things :

"Don't let the pain make you hate.

 Don't let the bitterness steal your sweetness. 

 Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree.

 Believe that wherever you are, is a beautiful place."

Kate, can u do this?

Do u hv some "magic spell" to get a little peace when u're in pieces?

Some people will say "Believe in God..Do this with God"

I know it's true

but I need more than just that typical words

The more they "shout" be with God, walk with God

I feel farther from Him

People only able to say "go that way"

Only few who can get my heart closer to Him

I haven't met that person

and I haven't understand God

I just wish a better day tomorrow..

I miss my Dongsaeng.. a lot!

us (now)

miss u much

Want to carry u, when u're tired or sad

hold on, my beloved dongsaeng

don't wanna lose someone like this

Dreams

My dream is

Running happily in the wide green grass field

This, represents that I wanna be free..

Free from worries, wounds that I keep for years, uncertainty

I imagine, that the air out there must be very refreshing

Running to 'catch the sun' then rolling on the grass haha

mini house

Well, that might be great to live like this for a year, at least ^^

Dongsaeng, will be soooo great ,right?? if we're able to do this?

I bet, your 2 years experience as an FA will cost nothing against this

even tough u travelled to world, u can't take home with u

but with it, we can travelled to many places..but not leaving home

haha.. if only we can do this together..

bakery

To do a job, that I like.. to see my work is growing everyday

To learn that every failure has it's lesson..

That in the end everything will be fine, if I keep trying and learning

To do this, with someone I trust.. someone who's able to encouraged me

ticket & money

Ticket and money to visit my dongsaeng, wherever she is

That's it.. my dreams for now.. or I can say my wishes

Can u give me any chances, to reach my dreams Lord?

Not this time

1 statement : Shouldn't give up so early

Bored..
Don't like my job..
Wanna be free from daily routines..
Go to hv a crazy adventure, should I go??
I still have values but.. I don't know how long it'll last
Distance could turn us into a diary
diary..journal..notes, filled with our daily activities
Yeah, little black hole say 'hello' to me again
but I can't failed today.. tomorrow.. not this time
Shouldn't give up
I'll find a way to kick the black hole out of my heart & mind

Just a thought

Tonight, I hang around with my friends to a rooftop cafe
Have some drinks, light conversation, feels the night
and I realize that, in this capital city
Most of people just need a space to chill out after going through a hard working day
Some smoking area & glasses of beer are their therapist
Night becomes friend, because night free them all!
Those people can do whatever they want, without being tied by any routines, authorization, limitation, obligation..
It just, I feel that nowadays people keep forgetting the real value of lives
They satisfied, simply just by drink/smoke/dance/stay awaaay at night.. hang around
I also did the same thing actually..
but I know that it's not right

Escapist

Life as an escapist..
Alcoholic Drink at night to ease the pain, sadness, loneliness
but most of all
THE REALITY
but when the hang over passed out
Night, turns to a Daylight
I choose any job, work.. work.. work
Drowning myself into a daily routine
to forget the time..
I'll put all of my focus on that job
My eyes, hand, mind for work
I don't need to think about anything else..

When I have no job?
Just played any music loudly
and did anything from my laptop to keep me busy

Less Interested

Once, I have a dream to go around the world
Seeing many places, things, events
I'm very excited everytime I have to go to a new place
I thought I love travelling..
Today, that dream isn't that attractive anymore
I want to see more, beyond those places
I want to see this..

- The 'sparkle' from my beloved eyes
- Funny & silly movements from my dear friends when they try to explain something I don't understand
- A generous smile from the people who's believe in me
- etc.

I just want to stay and have some peace
I'm tired of moving.. tired of changing
Sounds like I'm growing older?
Yeah, how old is my soul actually..
How old is my soul..

Wait, Take any Chances, Breakthrough?

If in the end I get what I want from that company,
Should I take it or not?
Actually that's not my dream job.. A local company
That will give me additional skill, information, & connection
But, taking the chance is like taking the 'old company' more or less
The condition & the work load won't be far away from the previous job I did..

Or should I keep looking for my dream job, dream company
But for how many months, should I wait?
I wanna work in a better place, clear organization, clear tasks, good facility, high income LOL
and sometimes,
I feel that actually my heart wants to choose another option..
I want to stand on my own business
I want to make my own brand
But I lack of courage, right now
I feel that I'm not ready yet.. still need to learn

This is confusing
Wait for your dream comes true, Take the chance for living, or Make a breakthrough
God, Help me to choose the way

Who Am I

Forgive me Lord for against You so many times

Today I hear it, my heart speak "Don't lost in the dark"

Should've trust that U still leads me the way..

But I have a little patient and give up my times to anger

I'm falling and stop walking..

Please, look after me and couraged me to keep running

to Your light..

May God be with me, with you and my beloved always

Amen..

This is what describe me most right now

I have a hard time, U also have to struggle for couple things

Sometimes we feel that we're so alone

While in fact, we trully care for each other

ALWAYS..

at least 'till today we can always make things right in the end

we're getting better after we speak out our feelings honestly

what trully happens to us..

I relieved to have someone like u..

The pain is still here, but it shrinked a bit (",)

Calling All Angels

I need a sign, to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know, that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you can feel the world shake from the words that are said

And I'm, calling all Angels
And I'm, calling all you Angels

And I won't give up, if you don't give up
I won't give up, if you don't give up
I won't give up, if you don't give up
I won't give up, if you don't give up

I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

And I'm, calling all Angels
And I'm, calling all you Angels
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/t/train-lyrics/calling-all-angels-lyrics.html ]

When children have to play inside, so they don't disappear
While private eyes solve marriage lies 'cause we don't talk for years
And football teams are kissing queens and losing sight of having dreams
In a world where what we want is only what we want until it's ours

And I'm, calling all Angels
And I'm, calling all you Angels

And I'm, calling all Angels
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)
And I'm, calling all you Angels
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)

Calling all you Angels
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)
Calling all you Angels
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)
Calling all you Angels
(I won't give up, if you don't give up)

J.S.M

Just Shoot Me, oh Lord
Don't U see that I'm dying here??
I need a way out.. but all I see is a dead-end
I have plenty of time to be wasted..
Jeezz, that promise is hard actually
I wanna be destructive to release all of this sorrow
I need to drink, I wanna have some mushroom & go to a club as well
I want to speed up my car at nite.. I wanna go to the beach and ride the wildest wave there
Want to hit the wall..
I want to dissapear! but I can't
cause I have a promise to always tell dark what I'm going to do
Yes, I'm such a loser
I'm so weak.. and don't want to pretend that I'm super strong
I failed my self by not doing anything usefull right now
Laughed me, world.. for the "black hole" have consumed my day
I don't care.. I just don't care

Something about love

I read this note from my friend, Noot Sai Ngam..
and I thought this is good..

JUST SOMETHING ABOUT SOMETHING CALLED LOVE

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.

You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself.

Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again.

Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face.

In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you.

You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.

Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

- Bob Marley -

This is what my dongsaeng do to me

She's a cheerful person
She has a bright smile
She has a good sense of  humor
She's loud, my days never be so quiet when she was around
She make me smile..
Thank u very much
(",)

I love who I am today

 

Source 

 Once again, I've listened to my negative thoughts

and finally drowned into my black hole

Feel that I'm not real for my beloved

Not sure that I'll be strong enough to keep my promise

I noticed that in the end, the same things will happen again

Everybody's leaving, Great value dissapear, Memories fade away

I'm sick of this cycle..and for a while I'm a coward.

But,

As many time as I fall, I get up! 

I pray..

Asked some help to stop me from hearing my own demons

and suddenly, I find that I love who I am today

I'm a sunbae (",)

I have an important role, and I can't run away from it

I need to protect my dongsaeng, I have to make sure that she's fine

I felt necessary, and that's the best human feeling can have (Paulo Coelho)

Source 

I regain my courage.. I think that's enough to keep on moving

to keep on believing

Yokatta! way to go to be like daruma doll

"I LOVE WHO I AM TODAY"

Dear Dongsaeng,

Finally you know what to choose, right? =)

Hard choice.. I know

Now I'm suffering the untold goodbye

You don't know how hard I'm dealing with my cloudy shade 

The thought of living days without you, without joy in my complex life

The shadow of loneliness that will follows me through the night

but your sunbae is strong.. I'm gonna be just fine

All you have to do is just be sure, bold, and GO!

You will see the world and tell me what it looks like

I'm here will tell you about life, how it's going and how u should meaning it

I'm wondering what we might become in a distance..

Don't worry kid,

I  will faced this temporary goodbye with our God

We're gonna repeat the best year we ever had again, soon.. in the following years

 and here's a song for you

 

 I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend

at least we did intend for us to work 

we didn't break, 

we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

  

"I won't give up on our sunbae dongsaeng-ship,

Let's prove how strong we are"

Chocolate

Whenever I against my rough times in life,

My close friends always came and gave me chocolate..
I got Ritter Sport, Droste, Anthon Berg, Silver Queen, Lindt
Those was enough, to recharge me (",)

Yesterday, when I'm sick of my life
Stayed alone in my room for couple days,
Don't know what I should do,
Have no idea where to go,
and tired of expecting  new job offering..
I met my friend, Sam, and he gave me this..
KitKat Green Tea Chocolate from Japan!
I'm so happy..

Painful days, sad tears, harsh world
I can handle it all
with God's blessing,
Caring hearts from my friends,
and a bar of chocolate!
I'll survive..

KAITO

 

I fell in love with him at the very first sight..

this super cute & adorable dragon

 we met him the day before valentine's day 2012

he was standing there on the shelf in a game center..

and  I decided that we have to take him home THAT NIGHT

so, we fight to collect 230 tickets 'till he (finally) become one of us

and..

we named him KAITO,based on one of our favorite anime character

Kaito kid

Many people thought that he is a dinosaur, while me and my dongsaeng recognized him as a dragon..
sometimes we argued with our friends, whether he's a DRAGON or a dino..
Ever since he joined us, he has traveled to many places..
Coffee shops, restaurants, bakeries, office, and also flew with giant air balloon =)










Kaito is a HOPE, that we'll always get connected each other no matter how far we are..

Kaito is a MEMORY, that we already through many things together..happy moments, crazy moments, and also painful moments together..

Kaito REMINDS me to believe that when we're really put our best efforts together..miracle happens!
Actually until it's closing time, we haven't got 230 tickets..we have no more time.
But then, I saw unused tickets on the counter. So, we ask for the tickets from the guy on the counter. We didn't stop until we got Kaito..

Kaito is US, that's why I adore him much..
I want to keep him as long as i can, 'till the rest of my life

"Dragon lives forever, so does his value will live forever in my heart"

Patience

source

"Even the mighty lion has to wait for it's perfect time to get the prey"

I see patience through my glasses..

isn't about how long u have to wait for something u wish for

isn't because u don't have any choice

but..

Patience is about finding the reason why u have to wait

once it found, the long period of time u have to spent for..

 won't cost u anymore

source 

U won't die because of being patient, it might save ur life one day..

source

(",)